….loves me!

The autumn breeze brings a gripping stillness! Onset of winter brings along fond memories, chilliest of nights made warm and sultry in the arms of huggables, comforters and the fire. 

Just a little ahead, a mid festive reminder with a nip in the air, cooing of farthest honks and wheels, touching your soul like a tease. That something about the sky, the tingle so ethereal, sheer flashes of cherished moments. This magic is indescribable, its an experience most awaited after months of drizzle and drench. 

I wait as though the honk is conveying his messages, the breeze has gifted me his touch, the sweet aroma is his scent mingling with the petals and drying  leaves to preserve in my potpourri. The lit up stores inviting me to buy him that momento for the year. Dazzling embellished garments flaunting his princely charm, nudging me to dress up for the season.

I wait, empty arms, yet filled with love messages from autumn galore. I stand up to hear the far fetched zig of wheels, chirping birds and night crawlers. I still feel engulfed. I am still so cheered up, no sign of remorse. Surrounded by the distances, overpowered by what autumn has to say.

No sign of doubt, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’! No tears his touches are light. No fear the arms aren’t locked around me. No worries that festivities are all about me. Autumn blesses with thunders and whispers, a mystique, a spell so fabulous. The tender flowers on the tough boughs, the crushing leaves still a pause, life begins to trudge into a secret mission for miraculous. 

Oktoberfest comes knocking on, you welcome him, her and all those.  He is yet to arrive, he is yours. You know he is yet to arrive, even if he doesnt….he is yours..

He loves me…oh he loves me..no nots!

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Make a difference..Adopt the devil!

Right before you take a plunge….

The phone rang and I picked up to hear that feeble young voice, talking about feeling lost in a city of unknowns!  All empathies but this came unwelcome, passed off as a coincidence. 

I never thought about its sharp improbability. At times life is to be lived, not shrugged off filled with scepticism. Much is lost in safeguarding.  Though that seems reckless, that’s perhaps the charm of living it to the fullest. Mind not those who invite challenges just to make it worth appreciating. And perhaps, if you are seeking it you are probably ignoring, overlooking it’s inherent beauty.

I was lapping up my usual reads, my phone beeped, “can I call you?” The number was unfamiliar, in a wink the call had landed and I was responding surprised. “I am in town, I was in UK for a while. Thought I should let you know. ” These sporadic calls sounded SOS types.

As time passed by they suddenly converted to appreciation and short emotional sharing. Then once it was a joyous message of a new job! So I was thinking it was over after all, I wished him well.

A year had passed by the same voice landed on my phone past midnight, while I was on a night shift. He was proposing marriage? Should be intoxicated to consider someone you haven’t met, I was reasoning out. I was beginning to suffocate now. In a few months, in the same city I discovered rather odd truth about the gentleman. He had impersonated all along, part truth about himself. I was zapped yet concerned what could lead people to such frenzy? What I would now write as a comic tale, I resist, to show the unfortunate consequences of pranks. 

Flirting has its charm, often an expression of creativity and passion can be healthily steered into respectful liaison. Point is to hold it with dignity, not to let loose its character. Yet, many go headlong bumping in and out, making a mudslinging of all of it! And that’s where you know it’s a sign of gory intentions and callousness. Hold your strings if you are too passionate for you could be disappointed 

“I am shifting to your city, I have a job offer. Need your help settling down”. Now you need to learn to say NO! But he was quite convincing in his story. “Please don’t give up on me!” These words stuck around me like an unsaid bond.

I had adopted the DEVIL! Just to make a difference. I had no plans to chain it, but to win him his self esteem, his pride and success in life. Every passing day of defeated behaviour issues I had still calmly stood by, sometimes a little unnerved and seeking expert opinion.

I had alongside adopted huge differences with my whole clan, branded for treachery and filled my life with misgivings of people. I didn’t carry any obligation but to life! A big decision and you must dare if you have the ability to bear it! Don’t trudge this path unless you have honed your nerves.

For the Devil is not meant to fall back on! You must then bear your own cross….

….Don’t wait for the Devil to carry you when your wings are chipped!

Let Go…

I was practising, yoga and had begun to believe in self control and the joy of being. Breathing in and out, I kept my mind from lurking mischief and wondering into woes. I approached the sublime and soon would let my mind float into clouds of mystery and romance. 

The surrealism of being in love, its thistley nuances, thin lines between falling in and out to escaping wars, I wanted to take it all, consumingly overwhelmed by its facets so enamouring. My last stiffness had lasted a week and I had successfully stopped all communication, when all melted seeing a note asking ‘where are you?’ I held up my head breathed heavy and tried to detox from the feelings spiralling within. But something still seemed to vehemently deny the breathing pattern.

My yogic practice was failing! Work was getting unrewarding or was I disorienting it? I would call mom to get her quick solutions for anything, but this one was dreary! Let go! She said, the moment I spilled my woes. LET GO? My job!!! I was baffled.  For a parent there isn’t worse than what tortures the kid. She would want that moster get off her kid’s back and let the poor child play happy.

But job wasn’t really a monster! Even my work mates weren’t that zany, nor was my schedule. I went digging deeper into my soul to figure out why I made that call to mom. It was a long search, perhaps just begun.

I was neither unhappy with myself nor with my way of living, not too pompous nor hurting.  But each time I met my closest buddy I was beginning to feel a disturbance. Our senses are so designed they signal right and wrong, if you watched closely they would lead you perfectly! You see appreciation in the eyes of your buddies and your selfworth goes up. The reverse holds as true! 

If your buddy were envious, not compassionate enough or purely not attracted, whether he pretended or showed it, it may impact you. No amount of breathing helped focus into inner strengths. This is when I would jump to react but hold on. The tug of war has a shearing strain on your inner being. Despite the best reads as ” How to be strong” and “positive thinking” which every young mind would devour I was losing a big part of me. My smile! 

Thats when I took to this simple measure. Check how real your smile is to know who you are and how close to your inner being!

The alert goes blaring if your result shows a tremendous distance. It’s not unusual to give in to that state, specially if you believed in karma and destiny. You may believe it’s harmonious to adapt and serve all your social personal conditions with subservience. Yes, as long as your smile is hearty. 

Else, Let Go! What do we hold on to? The dearest things. What is dear? That which causes a fear of loss.  The moment you rake in your thoughts about how you are without all that you are accumulating, you see your being. If you have to tug something along to keep, its probably going to resist and try break loose. Leave it, if the wind and water carry it to you, being with it is a pleasure and as long as it stays! Give it a thought. You may seem mavericky, but you are realistic!

Let Go! It will come back, coz you loved it so!

Raking up STD

Navratri, marked by fasting and dandiya, austerities and festivities to invoke the goddess’ mercy and blessings has long been India’s cherished times wildly spreading by lengths and breadths to all corners. 

It’s modernized alternate could hit the traditional right below the belt with bellowing parties overflowing with fluidity of dances, drinks and dazzling divas! With as much fervour or more the youngsters crowd over to drown in its magic, leaving craving midaged yearning to break free from the bondage of standard customs!

This season was marked by popularising the dogma shattering goddess to reign craving minds and bring out in open the shackled desires behind Indian double standards about celebrating sexual indulgence! 

Sex-a taboo, a devilish inclination to withhold, to push into the darkness has long led Indian customs to hide and shun. It has run into perversion due to suppression of inherent carnal human desire. Only with protagonists introducing it gently through popular media into mass acceptance and overwhelming sense of freedom from a caged society.

As long as it can be withheld with dignity, it may create new standards for the growingly altering culture of this nation, moving far west and mutant from its long standing imploding desires to break open.