….loves me!

The autumn breeze brings a gripping stillness! Onset of winter brings along fond memories, chilliest of nights made warm and sultry in the arms of huggables, comforters and the fire. 

Just a little ahead, a mid festive reminder with a nip in the air, cooing of farthest honks and wheels, touching your soul like a tease. That something about the sky, the tingle so ethereal, sheer flashes of cherished moments. This magic is indescribable, its an experience most awaited after months of drizzle and drench. 

I wait as though the honk is conveying his messages, the breeze has gifted me his touch, the sweet aroma is his scent mingling with the petals and drying  leaves to preserve in my potpourri. The lit up stores inviting me to buy him that momento for the year. Dazzling embellished garments flaunting his princely charm, nudging me to dress up for the season.

I wait, empty arms, yet filled with love messages from autumn galore. I stand up to hear the far fetched zig of wheels, chirping birds and night crawlers. I still feel engulfed. I am still so cheered up, no sign of remorse. Surrounded by the distances, overpowered by what autumn has to say.

No sign of doubt, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’! No tears his touches are light. No fear the arms aren’t locked around me. No worries that festivities are all about me. Autumn blesses with thunders and whispers, a mystique, a spell so fabulous. The tender flowers on the tough boughs, the crushing leaves still a pause, life begins to trudge into a secret mission for miraculous. 

Oktoberfest comes knocking on, you welcome him, her and all those.  He is yet to arrive, he is yours. You know he is yet to arrive, even if he doesnt….he is yours..

He loves me…oh he loves me..no nots!

Advertisements

Make a difference..Adopt the devil!

Right before you take a plunge….

The phone rang and I picked up to hear that feeble young voice, talking about feeling lost in a city of unknowns!  All empathies but this came unwelcome, passed off as a coincidence. 

I never thought about its sharp improbability. At times life is to be lived, not shrugged off filled with scepticism. Much is lost in safeguarding.  Though that seems reckless, that’s perhaps the charm of living it to the fullest. Mind not those who invite challenges just to make it worth appreciating. And perhaps, if you are seeking it you are probably ignoring, overlooking it’s inherent beauty.

I was lapping up my usual reads, my phone beeped, “can I call you?” The number was unfamiliar, in a wink the call had landed and I was responding surprised. “I am in town, I was in UK for a while. Thought I should let you know. ” These sporadic calls sounded SOS types.

As time passed by they suddenly converted to appreciation and short emotional sharing. Then once it was a joyous message of a new job! So I was thinking it was over after all, I wished him well.

A year had passed by the same voice landed on my phone past midnight, while I was on a night shift. He was proposing marriage? Should be intoxicated to consider someone you haven’t met, I was reasoning out. I was beginning to suffocate now. In a few months, in the same city I discovered rather odd truth about the gentleman. He had impersonated all along, part truth about himself. I was zapped yet concerned what could lead people to such frenzy? What I would now write as a comic tale, I resist, to show the unfortunate consequences of pranks. 

Flirting has its charm, often an expression of creativity and passion can be healthily steered into respectful liaison. Point is to hold it with dignity, not to let loose its character. Yet, many go headlong bumping in and out, making a mudslinging of all of it! And that’s where you know it’s a sign of gory intentions and callousness. Hold your strings if you are too passionate for you could be disappointed 

“I am shifting to your city, I have a job offer. Need your help settling down”. Now you need to learn to say NO! But he was quite convincing in his story. “Please don’t give up on me!” These words stuck around me like an unsaid bond.

I had adopted the DEVIL! Just to make a difference. I had no plans to chain it, but to win him his self esteem, his pride and success in life. Every passing day of defeated behaviour issues I had still calmly stood by, sometimes a little unnerved and seeking expert opinion.

I had alongside adopted huge differences with my whole clan, branded for treachery and filled my life with misgivings of people. I didn’t carry any obligation but to life! A big decision and you must dare if you have the ability to bear it! Don’t trudge this path unless you have honed your nerves.

For the Devil is not meant to fall back on! You must then bear your own cross….

….Don’t wait for the Devil to carry you when your wings are chipped!

Let Go…

I was practising, yoga and had begun to believe in self control and the joy of being. Breathing in and out, I kept my mind from lurking mischief and wondering into woes. I approached the sublime and soon would let my mind float into clouds of mystery and romance. 

The surrealism of being in love, its thistley nuances, thin lines between falling in and out to escaping wars, I wanted to take it all, consumingly overwhelmed by its facets so enamouring. My last stiffness had lasted a week and I had successfully stopped all communication, when all melted seeing a note asking ‘where are you?’ I held up my head breathed heavy and tried to detox from the feelings spiralling within. But something still seemed to vehemently deny the breathing pattern.

My yogic practice was failing! Work was getting unrewarding or was I disorienting it? I would call mom to get her quick solutions for anything, but this one was dreary! Let go! She said, the moment I spilled my woes. LET GO? My job!!! I was baffled.  For a parent there isn’t worse than what tortures the kid. She would want that moster get off her kid’s back and let the poor child play happy.

But job wasn’t really a monster! Even my work mates weren’t that zany, nor was my schedule. I went digging deeper into my soul to figure out why I made that call to mom. It was a long search, perhaps just begun.

I was neither unhappy with myself nor with my way of living, not too pompous nor hurting.  But each time I met my closest buddy I was beginning to feel a disturbance. Our senses are so designed they signal right and wrong, if you watched closely they would lead you perfectly! You see appreciation in the eyes of your buddies and your selfworth goes up. The reverse holds as true! 

If your buddy were envious, not compassionate enough or purely not attracted, whether he pretended or showed it, it may impact you. No amount of breathing helped focus into inner strengths. This is when I would jump to react but hold on. The tug of war has a shearing strain on your inner being. Despite the best reads as ” How to be strong” and “positive thinking” which every young mind would devour I was losing a big part of me. My smile! 

Thats when I took to this simple measure. Check how real your smile is to know who you are and how close to your inner being!

The alert goes blaring if your result shows a tremendous distance. It’s not unusual to give in to that state, specially if you believed in karma and destiny. You may believe it’s harmonious to adapt and serve all your social personal conditions with subservience. Yes, as long as your smile is hearty. 

Else, Let Go! What do we hold on to? The dearest things. What is dear? That which causes a fear of loss.  The moment you rake in your thoughts about how you are without all that you are accumulating, you see your being. If you have to tug something along to keep, its probably going to resist and try break loose. Leave it, if the wind and water carry it to you, being with it is a pleasure and as long as it stays! Give it a thought. You may seem mavericky, but you are realistic!

Let Go! It will come back, coz you loved it so!

32 Cups of Wine and You are Mine..

The story goes thus that this young lady, disheartened with a harsh man in life, who merely promised golden words that held little value in a matter of minutes of his stepping away from her, happlessly waited for life to turn around and smile.Her beauty and charm was waning, her tears scathing her peach skin to a dusty brown, eyes and brows wrinkling with deep scars in the heart.

She was beginning to cripple with his torturous ways, but for her heart, still felt the warmth for him; an insane forgiveness of wild philanderings. She singed in separation, she held tight those little moments of giving each other and hopelessly wondered why life were no more giggles and swervy drives, holding hands and crushing ties!

But often she saw him happy otherwise, she was fine with the pain, but now she began to realise, perhaps some are moulded thus that they live lies. They believe its fine to crush spirits, all dreams and trample over to reach their skies. 

She often complained why he didn’t move on, so then he did, but still he would come back with more reasons and hopes and ride away in hours to his own destination. Things made her wonder if he was evil, insane or dastardly.  She then tried to scare him with threats and even thought of getting him socially obliged to accept his flaws and keep away.

One strange evening he appeared at the door, shocked she was about to shut him out and run for cover, when he held her hand and pleaded “Love benign! Walk with me, dance and dine, thirty two cups and you are mine!” She stood agape at that boggling instant, hoping there was a way to test sanity, to know his intentions, to read between lines.

But her faith in life murmured into her ears, ” if you were that wild I would love you instead of shunning you “. Perhaps there is something in those expressions, no matter how different from my needs, they speak an uncanny mix of craze and doing big things despite all odds! She shut out her silent thoughts from spilling out of her lips so gentle. She pressed them hard together to let her gestures show instead, how well she could reciprocate no matter how it would hurt thereafter.

She let her arms slip into his, led by his big gentle steps she lightly trudged along. Humming slow her head into a sway. Ready to hold tight as long as he led the way. She fell into a daze when he entered a palacial home, inviting and jubilant, embellished in peach and gold. At the centre stood the big table, the thirty two cups of wine, a golden engraved platter and a priest divine!

Tears rolled down her cheeks, numb she stood, like a wax model to melt. Out of wits, out of words, out of her thoughts, she folded her hands and kneeled beside saying “your love was just too pristine to be true and I am cursed I am not the right one for you.”

Disappointed he looked on as she snatched away to go, “you were right I wasn’t a good man, until your patience taught me to be real. Don’t do this now for I wouldn’t know who else to be.” 

The priest then hurriedly pronouced them married, like he hadn’t seen a thing as this before. His praying lips trembled as he had witnessed God’s love in shear.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Mother! Is that an overrated word, overtly worshiped or is it the one trampled and swindled by most?

This Mother’s Day give it a thought if this Day is genuinely celebrated and in the right spirit. The womb in which she gives a sperm the shape of a man, the chasm in which she nurtures the next generation, the arms that behold until maturity, the blood that nourishes, the bones that bear the weight, is that nurturer plundered off her resources and left barren when old.

Yet celebrated by many, worshiped as the care giver, the beholder of humility and compassion, the first and the last resort of creation! The Mother is an epitome of the mysteries of nature and a symbol of selfless love.

To this day, I salute and dedicate to all mothers. I request a pledge to care for all mothers, the nature , mother earth the most in return of their relentless care. Join me in my pledge and protect, serve the mother. Save the Earth!

Unlimited Love

 

She was touching a crisp sixteen, spirits soaring, dreams too big to contain in a little heart! Anxiety to know her future, her present and know it all was about pouring out of the cup. Her mind filled with questions, building a strange vacuum around, leaving bystanders baffled about what she wanted, some dodging them as nonsense.

One day her uncle told her, some of the answers she sought would be there in the bible. she grabbed the holy book and couldn’t but stop devouring the sermons on faith, love, sacrifice, forgiveness and compassion! All those words that would melt into the ears, would read aloud a new story about itself. What else did a human need after all she wondered. It was almost like her answers were all there!

But the stupid mind wouldn’t just rest yet! “Love who?”, it popped.

She did visit the temple but resisted from her usual wishing for dreams to come true. She had awkward doubts about how her wishes would get fulfilled, if she was to ask and then why and to who?  A lot of searching to satiate that restless mind, a hungry heart led her wandering from books to bookies, not many could see her vulnerability.

That evening, she sat with her grandfather, a retired police officer. Having served the nation and some great leaders, he had resigned into a sedentary life. A stiffly disciplined man of high repute in service of utmost high standards, he had set bars for all children so tall, that she was scared to talk to him earlier. Now a teenager, braver and thoughtful, she was keen to hear him tell about his life achievements. A sad story why the unspoken truth about a public life had hushed him into seclusion as a healthier bet, but actually led him into suppression and ill health.

He was under treatment for geriatric ailments and in six months she was seeing final respects and gun salute offered to his body! She stood alarmed, heartbroken and moreover awe struck at the turn of events, the value of this living body and lack of control on life as a whole!

Twelve days post his passing away, she visited grandfather’s house to see six men, young and old, all clad in saffron loincloth reading, chanting, singing hymns and elaborating sermons. One phrase caught her attention! The old man said, “this body is not us!”. She blurted,”what?”, much aloud to stop the discussion for a moment.