….loves me!

The autumn breeze brings a gripping stillness! Onset of winter brings along fond memories, chilliest of nights made warm and sultry in the arms of huggables, comforters and the fire. 

Just a little ahead, a mid festive reminder with a nip in the air, cooing of farthest honks and wheels, touching your soul like a tease. That something about the sky, the tingle so ethereal, sheer flashes of cherished moments. This magic is indescribable, its an experience most awaited after months of drizzle and drench. 

I wait as though the honk is conveying his messages, the breeze has gifted me his touch, the sweet aroma is his scent mingling with the petals and drying  leaves to preserve in my potpourri. The lit up stores inviting me to buy him that momento for the year. Dazzling embellished garments flaunting his princely charm, nudging me to dress up for the season.

I wait, empty arms, yet filled with love messages from autumn galore. I stand up to hear the far fetched zig of wheels, chirping birds and night crawlers. I still feel engulfed. I am still so cheered up, no sign of remorse. Surrounded by the distances, overpowered by what autumn has to say.

No sign of doubt, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’! No tears his touches are light. No fear the arms aren’t locked around me. No worries that festivities are all about me. Autumn blesses with thunders and whispers, a mystique, a spell so fabulous. The tender flowers on the tough boughs, the crushing leaves still a pause, life begins to trudge into a secret mission for miraculous. 

Oktoberfest comes knocking on, you welcome him, her and all those.  He is yet to arrive, he is yours. You know he is yet to arrive, even if he doesnt….he is yours..

He loves me…oh he loves me..no nots!

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She Was Gone

He was there at the airport, to see her!

“How long are you here?”, he queried surprised. “Don’t know”, she said unsure if she wanted to meet him. “I don’t believe you are here!”, he seemed nervous and curious about her visit in all these five years. Her gaze was constant and blank, like she was scanning his soul. He felt nervous all the more but kept up an intrepid look.

It had been six long years away from him. A long distance wouldn’t work out, she had thought. Still attached she would cry longing for him. He visited twice but she was dying to see more of him. While slowly it sunk in her how little he wanted to! Perhaps it was getting one sided, she thought. things were beginning to lose charm, just words spoken, battle and helpless cry. He seemed happy where he was!

This time,she wasn’t here for him. It amazed how little she wanted to be with him. What an irony, now together at the same place and yet so far apart! “What are you doing ?”, he called up. “I have a couple of meetings”, she was quite not sure if he was just checking on her. She guiltily justified her reaction to herself, ‘at times people query to plan their own action’.

He began complaining of feeling insulted and left out. “Don’t put up such pics in your profile, I am longing to see you”, he told her. “Ah, can you stop that, don’t disturb me”. Her loss of faith was oozing now. She tried to curb her curtness, yet what’s natural shows. Bad memories of his apathy when she was away cast a shadow so dark that she was unable to grapple with his presence so close. Spells of hatred reflected in her poisoned tongue. She wanted to cut him out of her life. Untruth was his base, she couldn’t reconcile how that would ever turn into love.

Unlike earlier times when she fought to be near him, now she loathed? It surprised her, she tried to accept him and his justifications, give it a benefit of doubt and love him again. But she was too full of his insolence. No matter how she appreciated his gestures, truth hurt her like hard waves and brought her back to that one question, “will he be there when you really need him?”

He looked high and low, he could hear her near by, yet she was oblivious, she was invisible. She had gone, far away, though right in the same city. She had given up on him.